he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Oh god it's open bar.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize