I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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