I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
