yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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