obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize