So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
