matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
