so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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