I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize