I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
