respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize