You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
