my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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