I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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