i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
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I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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