I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
