i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
