That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
