the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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