I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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