I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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