Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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