Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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