He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
