I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
