He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
