Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
