Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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