Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dick very happy bro
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
