there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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