My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
