I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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