apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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