So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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