She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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