My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize