Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
