did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
