Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
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