careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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