He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
