ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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