Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Randomize
