haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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