In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
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Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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