allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
