Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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