She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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