1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
