don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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