You smell like a Billy Joel song
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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