he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
