I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
