No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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