so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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